Fun in the Dark
by KidKourage
Summary: KidK breaks her piggybank to take the crew to the movies! Oh, the horror of the snack line and the neverending previews! Oh, and 'Nny's back. PG for implied violence and some...interesting comments from a guy in the theatre.


Fun In The Dark

Fun In The Dark 

An Invader Zim Fanfic by KidKourage

_Thrill As The Gang Views A Cinematic Masterpiece!_

_ _

Today has been an interesting day.I had junk food for breakfast, which made me think of Gir.It was raining, which made me think of Zim and Gaz and the 'umbrella incident.'I wore my trenchcoat so as not to get wet, which made me think of Dib.People looked at me funny cuz of my trenchcoat, which made me think of Johnny C.Soooooo, the long and the short of it is that I decided to write another fanfiction!It's amazing what can inspire you, eh?Oh, and I don't own anything.Nothing.Well…I do own myself.

Just a quick note to say that this is not _really_ a flame of the movie 'Legally Blonde.' I actually kind of enjoyed it.Those of you who liked it, I'm not _that_ critical.Those of you who didn't, I'm just critical _enough_.You know, keeping the characters in character and all that….So, on with the story already!

The scene is KidK's house!This time, I have an actual exact date for ya.I can say with utmost certainty that this story takes place on July 13, 2001.At, oh, let's say around 6:30.KidK invited Dib and Gaz over for dinner, much to the chagrin of her Mom, who would now have to cook for eight.But of course now she'd have seven people to help with dishes, so it all worked out OK.Now that supper's over, however, our heroes' thoughts turn to the rest of the evening.

Dib:Thanks for dinner, Mrs….KidK's Mom!

KidK's Mom:You're welcome, sweetie (Mom really does call everyone 'sweetie').

Mike-the-Brother:So what are we going to do for the rest of the night?I don't wanna just sit around looking at all _you_ guys for hours.

Zim:If it comes to _that_, no one wants to look at you _either_, human scum.

KidK:Boys, now don't fight…

Zim:He _started_ it!

Mike-the-Brother:Oh, sure, blame _me_.

Gaz (looking up from her game):Knock it off or I'll knock _you_ off!

Mike-the-Brother and Zim:O_o ………………….

KidK:Well, _that_ worked good.

Dib:Hey, let's check out the paper and see if there are any movies or anything we can go see.

Mike-the-Brother:Hey, yeah!Good idea!

KidK:Dib—every bored kid's hero.^_^

Zim:Feh.

Gir:We goin' to the movies?Wheeeehoo!

Gaz:Well, that depends on if there's any good movies showing.

Dib (poring over the newspaper):Well, let's see…we've got 'Dr. Doolittle II,' 'Cats and Dogs,' 'Scary Movie II,' 'Legally Blonde,' 'Tomb Raider,' and 'The Score.'

KidK (sarcastically):Gee, it's so hard to pick, what with all these great summer movies…

Gaz:Not 'Tomb Raider.'That Lara Croft sickens me, and I hear it has nothing to do with the game at all!

Zim:I'm not gonna sit through another movie with Eddie Murphy in it…(shudder) not after you made me watch 'The Klumps' on ABC that time…now _that_ was madness.

Dib:We're really not allowed to see R rated movies…

Mike-the-Brother:Sure we can!KidK's our legal guardian!

Dib:Somehow I don't think anyone would believe that.

KidK (off in the background):I'm gonna eat _all_ the Buncha-Crunch!

Gir:And looooootsa popcorn!

Mike-the-Brother:I see what you mean.So 'Scary Movie' and 'The Score' are out, and I will _not_ watch 'Cats and Dogs.'Somehow, animatronic animals are more disturbing than cute.

Gaz:So that leaves 'Legally Blonde…'(she shudders)But we hafta go do _something_…

Dib:So 'Legally Blonde' it is!

KidK (paying attention again):'Legally Blonde?'What time?

Dib:Says here 7:15.

KidK:OK, good.(yelling)Mom!We're going out to the movies!

KidK's Mom:Fine, honey, have fun!

Everyone goes out to the car, and the gang makes the drive over to the Regal Cinemas next to the Burlington Center mall.KidK, as usual shells out her hard-earned (well, not really) money to get six tickets.

Zim:I know I've said this before, but is there really a reason why we must pay so much for so little?

KidK:No.And think how much _snacks_ are gonna be.

Gir:I want popcorn!And little soggy pretzel things with cheese substitute on 'em!And candy!And—

KidK:How about just the popcorn?

Gir:Okay!^_^

They all get in the vastly long line to get movie snacks.Finally, it's their turn.

Food Vendor Jimmy:Ken ah hep you?(why do movie theaters only hire stupid people?)

KidK:Er, yeah.Guys, make your picks.

Mike-the-Brother:Raisinets.

Gaz:Sour Patch Kids.

Dib:Sno Caps.

Zim:I'm not eating your un-food.

Gir:Gimme all the popcorn!

KidK:And I want Buncha-Crunch.

Food Vendor Jimmy:Duhhhh…so that's Raisinets, Sour Patch Kids, Sno Caps, all the popcorn, and Buncha-Crunch.

KidK:Wait, not _all_ the popcorn.Just a large tub.

Food Vendor Jimmy (holding up a giant plastic vat):A large tub _is_ all the popcorn.

KidK:O_o …………………okay, make it a small.

Food Vendor Jimmy:Derrrrr…okay.

He miraculously manages to get the food together, and so the six go over to the ticket ripper.

Ticket Ripper JoAnn (snottily):Gimme yer tickets.

Zim:We don't have to take sass from _you_, you thieving monkey!These tickets are _ours_!

Dib:Zim, you dope.You just give the girl the ticket and she rips it so you can't (air quotes) _accidentally_ use it again another day.

Gaz:Oh, yeah, like _you_ didn't think she was stealing the tickets _last_ time we came…you started screeching about a conspiracy to take kids' money and then not give them a movie!

Dib (embarrassed):^_^* Why did you hafta bring that up?

Gaz:Cuz you were bugging me.

Mike-the-Brother:Let's just _go_ already.

Ticket Ripper JoAnn:Aw yew gonna gimme the tickets, or am ah gonna kawl sekyuritay?

KidK (forking over the tickets):Oh, here.You don't hafta be so melodramatic.

Ticket Ripper JoAnn (just doin' her job):That's-Theatre-Three-on-the-left-enjoytheshowandpleasecomeagain.

Zim (muttering angrily):Stupid beasts and their stupid customs…

The gang heads over to Theatre Three, which turns out to be one of the bigger variety at Regal.At this particular cineplex, there's the dinky little non-stadium rooms, the mid-sized one floor stadium theatres, and the monstrous two floor stadiums the size of a small country.In the latter variety, all sound seems to echo, cuz it's so darned big.

Mike-the-Brother:Where should we sit?

Gir (running down to the front aisle):Here!Whee, all up close an' personal!

KidK:Sitting there hurts my eyes.We hafta go up to the second tier at least.

They go up the little carpeted stairs to the upper section.

Dib (pointing):How about this row?

Gaz:Fine.(she moves in six seats and sits down)

Mike-the-Brother:Yeah, good.(oh, like he didn't just wanna sit with Gaz)

Gir:I wanna sit with Mikey!(he skips down the row and plops down next to Mike-the-Brother, spilling popcorn all over the place)

KidK:Well, I'm in the aisle seat, cuz that's always where I sit…

Zim:I'll sit next to you then.

Dib (elbowing Zim in the ribs):Heh heh, gonna _try_ something in the _dark_, Zim?

Zim (he doesn't get it):No, these people haven't yet done anything to deserve doom at the hands of the Irken elite.

Dib:That's not what I meant.

KidK (she _does_ get it):Just sit down.The previews are gonna start.

Mike-the-Brother:So, who's taking bets on whether or not that commercial will be on again?

Zim:What commercial?

Mike-the-Brother:The one with Bri—

Gaz:Don't even _say_ it!

KidK:Yeah, you'll jinx us!

Dib:There's no point in trying to delude ourselves.There is _Pepsi_ in our immediate futures…

At just that moment, the theatre gets darker and the screen stops showing its reel of pointless ads and trivia.There is a horrible sound like nails screeching along a blackboard…oh, wait, that's just the Britney Spears Pepsi commercial that Regal shows before every movie.KidK has her usual reaction:

KidK:Nooooooooo!

Zim:Ack, not that stupid woman with the stomach again!

Gir:I _like_ Britneeeeeeey.'Ba ba ba ba _baaaaaa_.The joy of Pepsi!Yeah!'

Gaz:I'm gonna puke.

Mike-the-Brother:Too late, it's over.

Next, the moviegoers were subjected to the commercial for XM, a new internet-based radio network.Then there was the commercial for SUVs featuring Tiger Woods.Then there was one for Fandango, the internet place where you can buy movie tickets.And _then_--

Very Angry Man (in an aisle way behind our heroes):Enough with the stupid commercials already!I didn't spend eight bucks to see stuff I can see for _free_!God, this place disgusts me; I don't know why I come anymore, just to see your pandering to blatant _commercialism_!

KidK (leaning over to talk to Gir):Gir, does that voice sound familiar to you?

Gir (pulling his head out of the popcorn tub):I'm poppin' fresh!

KidK:Nevermind.

After some seriously way too long previews for movies like 'Jimmy Neutron' and 'Planet of the Apes,' the movie finally began with a happy, happy tune sung by Hoku.

Zim:What's with the girl on the bike?Is she the star?

KidK:Naw, that's not Reese Witherspoon…

Zim:So what's she doing?

KidK (exasperated):I don't know!I've never seen this before!

Zim:Oh.Can I have some of your candy?

KidK (passing over the box):Oh, _here_, Mister I-Don't-Want-Any.

Loud Guy in the Back:Wowie!Sorority girls!Cheerleaders!

Everyone Else in the Theatre:………………………….

They watch for a while as Elle Woods, played by the cute and extremely blonde Reese Witherspoon, prepares for an important date with her boyfriend, Warner Huntington, played by Matthew Davis, who I've never heard of before.

Gaz:This shopping thing is just so…stupid.

Mike-the-Brother:That's a nice dress, though.

Gaz:Are you kidding?It's too bright!And stop drooling!

A few moments later, poor Elle is humiliated to discover that Warner doesn't want to _marry_ her, he wants to break _up_ with her!Oh, poor rejected Elle!

KidK:Wahahahahaaaaa!That's what you _get_!

Dib:Jealous, are we?

KidK:Why'd I be jealous of her?She just got ditched by a snotty rich boy!Who's ugly as sin!

Mike-the-Brother:At least she had a boyfriend to _begin_ with…

Zim:Are we talking or are we watching? 

In the next section, Elle decides that if Warner is going to Harvard Law, then so is she.Like, girl _power_!And whatnot…

Dib:God I hope that they don't really do admissions at Harvard like this…

KidK:Nawwww, just at Harvard _Law_.It's me who has to worry, not you.

Dib:You gonna be a lawyer?

KidK:It all depends on this movie.If this ditz can succeed, then so can I.

Mike-the-Brother:Look, it's the bathing suit scene!

Gir:What a cute doggy!Awwww, it's all little and bug-eyed…

Gaz:The dog is bigger than her whole swimsuit!And it's a _chihuahua_!

KidK:Thrill as Harvard admissions director guys drool over a young woman in a bikini!This story at 11.

Loud Guy in the Back:Take it off!

Everyone Else in the Theatre:……………………………….

Needless to say, Elle gets into Harvard Law.Or else there wouldn't be any more to the movie.She goes to class with her cute, fluffy, and above all _pink_ pen and notebook and is surprised when everyone takes out laptops.

Dib:Is that really how it works in grad school?

KidK:Never been, so don't know.

Zim:These stupid humans and their stupid learning!On Irk we just get _implanted_ with all the knowledge we need.

Dib:I guess you were hiding behind the door when it was your turn for the shot, then, huh?

Gaz:Shut up!I want to _hear_ this!The teacher's _humiliating_ her!

Gir (full of despair):Poor Elly!That pinchy-faced lady is so…_mean_!

Elle meets a beauty parlor worker!And gives her love advice!And does a little dance with the other customers!Woo!

Gir:Yay!The funny hair ladies are so happy!

KidK:And once again the day is saved, thanks to…Elle Woods and her extreme powers of flirting!

Everyone But Dib:Hahahahaha!

Dib:Hey, how come you laugh when _she_ does it?

Next, our bouncy heroine has a rude awakening when Warner's new fiancée (*gasp*) is snide at her and tricks her into wearing a costume to a party.

Gaz (sarcastically):Oh, you _know_ she's just jealous cuz she's a _brunette_…

Zim:Is status really based on hair color on this planet?

Dib:No, but it's an old, old joke that blondes are really stupid.

Zim looks critically at KidK, then grabs a fistful of her hair.

KidK:Hey!

Zim:It can't be true.KidK's blonde!

Dib:But not _extremely_ blonde like the character in the movie.

KidK:Yeah, I really don't think of myself as blonde, because you _know_ I'm a _genius_.

Zim:Right.

Mike-the-Brother:Oh, gag me.

Gaz (mocking him):With a spoon?

KidK (malevolently):With a _spork_.

Loud Guy in the Back:Bunny costume!Yeah, baby!Shake that tail!

Everyone Else in the Theatre:…………………………..

Elle begins to get respect from her peers and teachers!Yay!She earns good grades and even gets a position as an intern for a real case!She's well on her way to being a successful attorney!Good for her!

Gir:Goody goody!Elly's gonna get to go to court!

Dib:This _really_ restores my faith in the legal system…KidK?

KidK:Yes?

Dib:_Please_ become a lawyer…we all _need_ you to balance out all this…_wrongness_.

Gaz:You know, the teacher guy also picked the snotty fiancée, what's-her-name.I'll bet she and Elle learn to work out their differences and become best friends.Just like in _real_ life, right?

Loud Guy in the Back:He just wants to get with them!

Very Angry Man:Oh, that is _it_!Here we are, trying to enjoy the movie, however stupid it is, and you just can't keep your filthy mouth _shut_!There are _children_ here!Do you think they need to hear you say things like that?Is it your goal in _life_ to poison the minds of the young, you sick, twisted nothing?Well, _I'll_ give you something to yell about, that's for sure!

There's a shout from the back of the theatre, and presently two figures make their way down the middle aisle—one with a bony hand clamped around the neck of the other, pushing him along.They pass the gang's row, and KidK makes an observation.

KidK (surprised): Johnny?Johnny from the 7-11?

'Nny (looking down at her and grinning):Oh, hey Missy!How're ya doing?

Gir:Hiya, silly shirt man!

'Nny:Hi…Gir, right?Sorry I can't talk right now, but I've gotta go deal with _this_ pathetic piece of waste.

KidK:Er, yeah.See ya.

'Nny (waving with his free hand):Bye bye!(to the Loud Guy)Move it!Oh, what _pain_ I will exact upon you for ruining the movie for an innocent girl and her little friends…

Loud Guy (now not so loud):*squeak*

And then the movie continued as usual, without any more lewd interruptions.Oddly enough, however, the Loud Guy was actually correct in his opinion of Elle's lawyer…professor…guy.Elle was doing a really good job on her case, getting an alibi from the suspect and whatnot.So of course she was really surprised when it turned out that she was picked for the job because of her incredible looks, not her incredible brain.

Gir:He made Elly cry, the meanie!

KidK:Remind me not to sign up for internships…_ever_.They only end in tears.

Zim:But I'll bet my lab that this'll all be resolved within the next fifteen minutes.Human movies are so predictable.

Dib:Yeah, that's why you screamed at the end of 'The Sixth Sense.'

Mike-the-Brother:And threw nachos at the TV.

KidK:And grabbed me and asked if _I_ was dead.

Zim:That was _different_!That was an innovative masterpiece, while _this_ is a mere (air quotes) _summer movie_.

Gaz:Can you guys shut up?You can debate the relative merits of the movie _later_…and far away from _me_.

Mike-the-Brother:Oh, look, it's Elle's day in court!

Elle proves that her client couldn't have murdered her husband, and that some other woman _did_, because of something to do with washing her hair when she had a perm.I don't remember exactly who or what.Anyway, it's better that I can't remember, cuz now if you haven't seen it I won't have told you _everything_.Anyway, they all live happily ever blonder.

Mike-the-Brother:Heh.That bimbo was valedictorian!You must be pretty embarrassed, sis.

KidK:Mike, it's a _movie_.Of _course_ she's valedictorian.She _has_ to be or else the other people watching this movie wouldn't realize that she's smart.They need tangible evidence or their minds can't grasp it.

Dib:That's our KidK.A real philosopher.

Zim:She's right!Humans are so stupid.You people will watch _anything_!

Gaz:Like _you_ didn't enjoy it.

Zim:I came to see this film hoping to learn something of the human legal system, but I can tell you right now that if it's _anything_ like in the movie your society is doomed!And it's doomed _anyway_ because you fill your minds with…stuff…like _this_!

KidK:I liked it!It was somewhat funny!And that's all it's really _for_, you know.Just a little bit of entertainment.

Gir (singsong):I luv Elly!I luv Elly!Heehee!I luv Bruiser!I luv Bruiser! (the chihuahua)Heehee!

And so the movie was over, and the gang left their seats.Gir's was, not surprisingly, a little stickier and a lot more covered with popcorn than when they arrived.It was getting kind of late, around 9:00, so KidK dropped Dib and Gaz off at their house.

Gaz (after KidK pulls away):I _saw_ you staring at Reese Witherspoon.

Dib:I wasn't!Not any more than you _have_ to to watch a movie, anyway.

Gaz:Don't even _try _to deny it.Remember, next time you bug me, I _will_ tell everyone at school.

Later that night, at KidK's house, everyone has gone to bed except KidK and her Dad.That's because KidK takes after her father in her inability to fall asleep before midnight.So while everyone else snored away, KidK's Dad played Madden Football 64 and KidK relaxed on her bed with her true passion, manga, and a Walkman with her homemade Aqua tape inside.

KidK (singing softly):C-A-L-L-ING now, I'm calling you!Calling you now!

There's a faint tapping at her window, and she looks up from her comic book to see the upside-down silhouette of a face in her window.A shadowy hand waves at her maniacally.

KidK (edging over to the window):Er…(she hauls up the heavy window)'Nny?

'Nny:Hey, you remembered my nickname!I'm flattered.

KidK:Um, how did you get here?

'Nny (pointing a thin finger):Drainpipe.

KidK:No, I mean to my _house_.How'd you know where I live?

'Nny (again with the pointing):I recognized your car.(he looks preoccupied)Um…you wouldn't happen to have any band-aids or Neosporin, would you?

KidK (alarmed):Why?Are you hurt?

Johnny dangles a skinny arm into KidK's line of vision, and she sees that it's badly scratched, with the shirt torn and everything.

'Nny:That guy from the theatre really put up a fight!I think he was high or something.That tends to make 'em more…difficult.

KidK:That's gonna need more than a band-aid, 'Nny.

'Nny:You'd be surprised.

KidK:No, I'm gonna get you the good surgical gauze Mom keeps for emergencies.You just wait there…up on my roof…

She goes off to the bathroom and finds the first-aid stuff.She makes a considerable amount of noise while doing this.

KidK's Dad (from the livingroom):Missy?Are you OK?

KidK:Yeah, no problem, just goin' to the bathroom…(thinking)_No, nothin' wrong with **me**…just getting medical supplies for a crazed killer…_

_ _

She returns to her room with the necessary stuff, to find that Johnny has disappeared from the window and her Walkman has vanished as well.

KidK (sticking her head out the window):'Nny?

'Nny (looking over the edge of the roof—wearing her headphones):Yeah?Oh, hey, you got it!Thanks bunches!(he grabs the first-aid stuff from her and starts working on his arm)Incidentally, what's this music?

KidK:Aqua.

'Nny:Is the whole _tape_ like this?

KidK:Yeah.Well, it's got some Everclear and Macy Gray at the end when the Aqua ran out…

'Nny:I like it!It's totally pointless, and yet has a pervasive message of happiness that just isn't present in most of today's whiny, 'oh-pity-me-my-life's-so-terrible-though-I-have-no-idea-of-the-true-horrors-out-there-but-I'm-gonna-pretend-so-you'll-like-me' music.

KidK:What do you know?We've got the same opinion.

'Nny:Well, I'm all wrapped up, so I guess I'll leave you to your sleep.

KidK:Are you okay to go home?

'Nny:Not to go _home_.Nah, I'm too awake now to go sit at my place.I'm gonna take a walk.(out of nowhere)Can I borrow your tape?I'll give it back…

KidK:Um, sure.

'Nny (taking out the tape and handing back the Walkman):What a nice girl you are.You hardly know me and you're willing to give me medical help and entertainment.It's amazing that there can still be people like you in this world.

KidK (embarrassed again):^_^*Oh, I don't know…

'Nny:And it's better that you don't.Well, it was good seeing you again!(he grins scarily)And now that I know where your house is, I can _visit_ you!

KidK:Yeah, that'd be nice.Well, bye for now!

Johnny leaps from the roof, then turns to regard KidK in her window.

'Nny:And by the way, Missy…the beast monster in your closet says hi!(he disappears into the shadows)

KidK (thinking):_…Oh, God, the closet monster's not **back**, is it?Now I'll **never** sleep…wait, how stupid am I?Obviously just a trick…isn't it?This is what I **get** for having interesting friends…_

And even later that night…or earlier in the morning, I _should_ say…

'Nny (writing):Dear Die-ary…Today I went to the movies and saw a film about some very pointless people and the pointless things they concern their pointless lives with.It was funny!There was a man who talked a lot during the movie, and was annoying everyone with his emissions of pathetic noise…(he smiles evilly) but I made sure he'd never talk again!Then I went to see Missy, and she gave me a tape…(he pauses before continuing)Missy is my new friend…I really hope I don't accidentally kill her.

_ _

_The End!_

And The Morals Of The Story Are:

1.)Blondes _do_ have more fun!

2.)Dib likes Reese Witherspoon!

3.)Gir likes popcorn! (well, no _doy_)

4.)Aqua is fun for _all_ ages and degrees of sanity!

And, mostimportantly…

5.)If you have a distinctively colored car, homicidal maniacs can findout where you live!


End file.
